You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize