Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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