I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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