I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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