Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
