Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
