pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
