Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
