we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
