it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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