You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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