Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
