Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
