mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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