Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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