hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
