member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
