Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
