The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
