thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
