My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
