so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
someone owes me an orgasm
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
