I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
