Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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