I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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