Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just had sex on a roof
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
