Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
