sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
