You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
