This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
