Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
