Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
