Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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