dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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