Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize