I just saw a hot homeless man
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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