i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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