When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize