you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize