He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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