yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
