Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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