It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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