That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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