If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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