Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize