I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
