What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
