The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
