yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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