I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
