We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
