Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
