I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize