I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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