I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Randomize
