have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
