forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
