He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
