I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
