dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
