I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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