so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
