I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
