If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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