it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
