I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
