I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
