literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
