he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
did i walk over a car last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
