After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
