Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize