So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
