Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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