At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize