It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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