I CAN MOONWALK!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
