At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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