38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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