The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This baby is an asshole
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize