Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
