God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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