We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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